control – Shelly Chalmers

There’s a massive wildfire burning in my province right now that has forced the evacuation of the entire town of Fort McMurray, the largest evacuation in our province’s history. Yesterday, it was expected that the fire was almost under control. And then today, winds turned unexpectedly, and the fire spread faster and hotter. It’s already consumed homes of people forced to leave on short notice, watching flames licking higher than the trees in what’s being described as an apocalyptic horror. Tomorrow is expected to be an even more severe day for the fire.

And it’s a drastic reminder of in some ways, how life can change in the blink of an eye. Just when we think we have things figured out, just when we figure out how to best balance our life and career / maneuver through the publishing industry / just get through the day with some measure of control, the game changes.

I’ve been feeling lately how easy is to slide into an overwhelmed state where the sometimes crazy-making nature of the publishing industry gets me down. My writing career is always finding the balance between my personal life and my writing life – a particular challenge when writing and my stories are such a part of me, it can be difficult to set them aside or balance them with other needs in my life. There’s also the other balance between the creative side of the job (ie: the brainstorming, writing, and playing with words) balanced with the business side of the job (promoting / selling my work, social media awareness for my career, deadlines, etc).

So I tried to make the equation simple for me, because I am nothing if not eager to simplify anything that could be construed as math. 😉

What I can’t control?

Lots. More than I can possibly list. And trying to consider it all? That’s crazy-making. I can no more control how an agent or editor reacts or feels about my work than I can control or predict the path of a wildfire. Yes, there’s some I can do, like write the best book I can, keep improving, and sometimes get out of the way. But for the most part? I have to learn to live with what I can’t control.

What I can control?

My writing, and the design of my latest teapot. Those I know I have control over.

This is a survival requirement for me. Because if I started thinking about all the factors I can’t control, it will paralyze me with fear.

Just like if I started thinking about the possibility of our heavily forested area catching fire, and potentially having to face the possibility of leaving my dream home behind. If I worried about this all time, or let it consume me just as I could thinking about the publishing industry all the time, I’d be a nervous, paralyzed wreck!

Because what matters is how you survive. Whether that means bringing things down to a simple equation of what you can control, and releasing all that you can’t, or remembering that even if you did have to abandon your home, if you have your family with you, your lives and the very great of you, you can move forward no matter what happens.

My thoughts and prayers to all those affected by the Fort MacMurray wildfire. And if this isn’t familiar to you, here’s an article where you can find more information and which was in my thoughts while writing this post. Article for information: Wildfire in Alberta’s energy heartland forces thousands to flee.

And to you: thanks for stopping by! Wishing you a week where you focus on what you can control, leave the rest behind, and remember what’s really important.

I am a control freak. It’s why I don’t like getting drunk, I follow the rules, and I expect others to as well. It’s why I love order and discipline in the world, even while I’d rather sometimes that it was my rules everyone followed. And it is why I have my very own “bwahahahaha” evil villain laugh on the off-chance I become supreme ruler of the world: I’m prepared.

But, I am also a writer and someone who loves the sometimes random, unexpected places creativity can take us. It’s why I love dying silk and hand-painting wool, because despite what our desires may have been, we sometimes get something else entirely, and it is still beautiful, perhaps more so because it is unexpected, unplanned. It’s this same creativity and freedom that I love in my writing (sometimes), when the characters and the plot take you somewhere you hadn’t planned on, but it’s so much better.

That, of course, is the catch: how much do you get to control, and how much should you even try?

The simple answer is that control is a complete illusion. I can control nothing but myself and my own reactions, and sometimes even those seem to have a life of my own. To attempt to control anyone else – their reactions, their emotions, their actions – this is an illusion that’s going to make us all miserable.

How does this apply to our art? Well, sometimes when we create something, we get caught up in the idea of wanting to convey something so precisely, so perfectly – like the scent of a flower, or the feel of a place – that we want to hammer that exact reaction and emotion we have into our readers or outside viewers. This, of course, is an impossibility, and the sooner we let it go, the better.

Yet again, this comes back to our creation of reality. What I see as a peach rose touched with the blush of pink on the tips of the petals may to someone else appear more orange, or more pink, or perhaps they don’t see the beauty of roses at all because it reminds them of an aunt who they always despised. The laugh we hear in our heads, the way some things constrict our chest with fear, these are out of our own experiences, our own memories, our own selves: no one else will ever, nor can ever, experience or see them quite the same.

So where does that leave a control freak like me, and perhaps you?

Recognize the limits of your control, and let the rest go (yes, even if it’s really, really hard). Describe how it felt to you, how it sounds to you, and be as specific and clear as you can be without going overboard, and let it be, knowing that everyone else will understand it, hear it, feel it in their own way. Give them the freedom to do so, rather than trying to force anything onto them: after all, would you want to be controlled by someone else, be subjected to the discomfort of confinement? Of course not.

Practice your “bwahahahaha’s,” control the exact degree of temperature in your house, and the way the tablecloth lays on the tablecloth, but as to controlling people, just let it go. Everyone has a unique and precious perspective, and even a control freak wouldn’t want to squash that, would they?

So, are you a control freak? What areas of your life must you exact control, and in which do you value freedom and randomness? Do comment below.

Thanks for reading, and have a great week.

Tag: control

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